Ships & Giggles: Mr. Norwell!

We are well into the 2016 school year, and with that comes every student’s favorite ensemble of seniors making fools of themselves for the public’s entertainment. Yes, the esteemed Mr. Norwell competition of 2016 has come and gone, but the memories--- no matter how hard we try to erase them--- are permanently etched into our brains. The whole event was emceed by our dear AP Gov teacher and iPad guru, Mr. “G” Goniatis with his co-host, Mr. Fish. The introductory dance contained more gyrating hips and male behinds than I have seen in the entirety of my life, and I honestly hope that they are the last I see for a very long time.

The formal wear segment was the official showcase of this year’s contestants: Cameron Ostrom escorted by the lovely Sean Hickey, Greg Lawrence escorted by Nikki Kingston, Daniel Osmani escorted by Malika Adda-Berkane, Chris Anderson escorted by Jessie Hayes, Christian Colantoni escorted by Colleen Benedict, Tony Vivona escorted by Hailey Studley, Will Kotlinski escorted by Brynn Fallon, Alex Rastelli escorted by Kryssa Mitchell, Charlie Metzger escorted by Allison Walter, Kevin O’Driscoll escorted by Meryl Wheeler, and last but not least, the victor of the night, Jarrod McCarthy escorted by a cardboard cutout of Evan Vavpetic.

Next up was the talent portion of the night, where all the contestants really showed their stuff up on stage. First up was Jarrod who dropped some ‘squatch knowledge on us with his inspiring TED Talk on sasquatches. After that came Cam Ostrom who really owned the stage with his fantastic poetry. My favorite poem goes a little something like this… “Roses are red, violets are blue, deserts are hot, and so is Barrett Jacobs.” It was truly an eye-opening experience. Alex Rastelli captivated our hearts with his aquatic opera featuring a very irate inflatable dolphin. Charlie Metzger displayed his culinary prowess with his rapid assembly of a PB&J and proceeded to “not bribe” the judges with the savory creation. Christian “z3rd” Colantoni spit straight fire with an original rap consisting of, perhaps, a bit too much chorus. Chris Anderson toyed with our emotions with his interpretive didgeridoo, and even his girlfriend can attest that “he put a lot of effort into it.” Will Kotlinski dedicated a song that he wrote on the bus (citation needed) to everyone’s favorite Madame, Ibtissame Hadri. Kevin O’Driscoll, commonly known as “Keevo,” enlightened us with a heartwarming rendition of the Blues Brothers’ “Soul Man” with a guest appearance by Mr. Mead. In a tasteful change of pace, Greg Lawrence took us back to the southland with his guitar and kazoo rendition of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s timeless classic “Freebird.” Dan Osmani, with his teenage angst, laid down some of the deepest “Rhythm And Poetry” (“rap” as the kids call it) any of us had ever thought possible. Finally, going out with a bang, Tony Vivona brought us emotionally to his level, albeit a “New Level,” with his fire dance moves matched only by a conglomeration of Napoleon Dynamite and Drake.

Perhaps the most exhilarating part of Mr. Norwell was when our hosts told us some hearty, yet clean, jokes. Mr. Fish and G both had their fair share of humorous comments, from poking fun of the geographic origin of Jarrod’s humble beginnings to the black belt adorned on Will Kotlinski’s wide-birthing hips. Every rose has its thorn as every comedian has a doozy or two in any routine, but G had a lot of them. After every one of his bad jokes, and I hesitate to call some of them “jokes,” there were two groups of people: those that immediately felt bad and decided to give him a smile akin to the type make when you see a relative that you don’t want to see but have to say hello to because they are feeding you, and those that, after a long period of very awkward silence, decided that G was funnier than the joke he had just told, so funny in fact as to afford a good flexing-of-the-diaphragm.

With all the hilarity that is classic of Mr. Norwell competitions, it is all the more moving when our attention shifts to a more serious, romantic topic. Our emotions were taken on a rollercoaster of different feelings when contestant Alex Rastelli asked his escort to prom using a technique customarily known as “prom-posing.” The love was in the air when he brought out flowers and asked her. Additionally, a chorus of aww's was produced by the women folk among us, and every man with intentions of asking a girl to prom was aggressively nudged by the girl next to them, brutally interrogated with the question “Why can’t you be more like him?”

The most bold attempt to sway the judges’ minds was most certainly the interview portion of the night. All of the contestants were given ponderous questions such as “Are you a giver or a taker?” and “What is your favorite food?” Cameron, settled in his arm chair resting pensively with a red ball in his right hand, gave us insight into his role models, from Satan to Patrick Star. Kevin O’Driscoll gave us his take on which TV show best described him: Blue’s Clues. And many of us at the Navigator would agree with his stance on the matter. Chris Anderson sang his heart out in old-timey sea shanties, whisking us away to the high seas. Alex Rastelli gave us a fresh new perspective on the whole “giving vs. taking” dilemma: he generally identifies as a taker, but when he gives, he gives his hardest. Christian, z3rd, relaxed and comfortably lounging, told the world of his admiration of Denis Barnum. Dan, as if by magic, had confided in the camera that, like z3rd, his role model was Denis Barnum. In a similar fashion, Greg told us of his cat that he looks up to, also by the name of Denis Barnum. Out of left field, Tony revealed to the audience that he gets his inspiration from none other than the notorious “J Marr.” Jarrod, the victor of the night, showed us how, despite being hairy on the outside, a kiwi is in fact *not* hairy on the inside. Charlie showed us his pearly whites, saying nothing can be done to fix his smile, as it is perfect. Our Senior Dentistry Advisor here at the Navigator would concur with his statement. And Will smelled a plant. Maybe his parents will finally love him.

With heavy hearts, we say goodbye to the 2016 Mr. Norwell, but all is not lost. There is a light gleaming through the darkness... a glimmer of hope in this a world of despair... the promise... of Mr. Norwell 2017. Roll Clips.